More... Praying Often Looks More Like Listening

 So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship 

with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has 

made us friends of God.  Romans 5:11 NLT

If someone were to say the word "prayer" right now, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?  I have to admit that the photograph known as Grace by Eric Enstrom is the image that comes to mind.  I'm sure you've seen it.  It's an image of an older, wizened man, white bearded face, head bowed in prayer sitting at a table with a loaf of bread, a bowl and what appears to be a Bible.  A copy of this photograph hung in my childhood home, in the dining room to be exact.  I'm not sure how or why this picture came to be there, but it resided on the wall above a music stand for decades.  The photograph, of course, is posed.  It wasn't a candid which caught a man deeply devoted in prayer.  The subject was actually a peddler who happened to stop by the home of a photographer preparing for a photographer's convention and was hired to pose for the now iconic portrait.

I remember as a child when asked to bow my head in prayer, obediently bowing and clasping my hands (as I'd observed in the photograph) but often not engaging with what the  pray-er was actually saying.  I may have had the posture of prayer but I was not praying.  I also remember times of putting myself in a posture of prayer before a meal only to really be thinking of what was coming for dessert.  Sometimes, like that old photograph, what we are calling prayer is really nothing more than going through the motions.

If I am to have more of God, going through the motions is unacceptable with prayer.  Shallow prayers with no depth or substance are not going to draw me deep into God's heart.  I am reminded of the story Jesus told of two men who prayed, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  (Luke 18:9-12)  Jesus describes one man whose "prayer" (and I use that term loosely!) is completely centered on himself.  Because of that story I think that we sometimes do an old pendulum swing and pray for anything but ourselves.  That is not biblical either as the story Jesus tells just prior to the "two men" story is about a woman who seeks justice from a judge constantly as a lesson about persistence in prayer...and she asks for justice from her adversaries.  

It's okay to get personal.  As a matter of fact, I think it's mandatory that we get personal in prayer.  If we don't we will never relate to God as anything but a distant notion, a far off authority who has no real relevance to our lives.  As a child I had the privilege of studying cello with a cellist who had studied with the famed cellist Pablo Casals.  He used to tell me that he would rather see me spend five minutes rehearsing well than an hour pretending to be practicing.  Whatever we happen to be doing, pretending doesn't  do anything to advance us in skill or ability.  Pretending at prayer doesn't fill our relational need for more of God either.

I've been thinking about prayer as part of my More series for awhile, but when I'd sit down to write I couldn't connect to my topic, until last week.  You see, last week my husband Alan and I went to dinner with a couple whom we've recently become acquainted.  Dinner was the setting in which we anticipated getting to know each other better.  As I thought over last week's meal, it came to me; prayer is a lot like having dinner with friends!  I recalled that we laughed and enjoyed good food.  We shared stories about ourselves.  These two beautiful people went from being virtual strangers to being friends whom I care about a great deal.  I learned where they had come from, how they'd come to be together, how they had handled a number of difficulties through the years, how they traveled with Jesus, just to name a few topics.  I discovered that they have some of the same passions that I share with Alan!  And here's the thing...I think they'd say the same about us.

What does that story have to do with prayer, you ask?  Let me tell you.  Prayer is not an intellectual exercise, an oratory or a set of lists to check off.  It is organic and personal and interactive.  It should be approached with enjoyment and desire and longing.  If we were to engage God through prayer similar to the manner we might engage with a friend over dinner, I think prayer would take on a new dimension in our lives.  What might that look like?

I think approaching prayer as a friendship communal would be just that, an interaction with a friend.  It would feel much less restrained and somber, a little more free and light-hearted.  I don't mean to insinuate that we forget that God is holy and righteous.  But when did holiness become synonymous with seriousness and inaccessibility? Why don't we approach God with laughter in our mouths and on our hearts?  Why do we insist on treating Him like a royal killjoy?  Do you recall the phrase "laughter is the best medicine?"  It turns out, it really is.  And because we are made in God's image, I think this tells us something of God as well.  I remember going to a women's prayer meeting when I lived in Flagstaff, Arizona and having a young woman start her prayer with "Hi God!  It's Brandi again!"  Her soul lightening heart attitude was fresh and free of arrogance and full of enjoyment.  It brought joy to my heart as well and spoke a truth deep into my soul; formality doesn't necessarily make us better at prayer, just perhaps a bit more reticent.  She spoke with God as though He were right there with her.  And why not?  He was.  He is.

We also forget, I think, that God is relational.  He doesn't need us, but He wants us.  He made us for relationship with Him.  I think, therefore, it's imperative that when we come to God in prayer we view Him with an eye to relationship.  We speak.  We listen.  Then we listen some more.  He already knows what's in my heart.  I don't need to tell Him.  The reason that I do is that it engages me in the conversation.  But if all I do is talk I've dramatically missed the point.  Listening is the larger part of prayer.  It's the part that changes us.

Well then, how do you do that?  It's certainly a fair question, but not an easy one to answer, I'm afraid.  I think that's because listening comes in such a variety of forms.  It can look a whole lot like reading the Bible (and this is certainly a key component to hearing God).  Have you ever been reading a passage only to have something jump out at you?  Remember my story about lectio divina and the word "be?"  That story gives a pretty good example of what I'm trying to convey here.

It can be words coming out of the mouth of another person that strike deep in my heart.  I recall an impassioned, but totally inappropriate conversation I was having with a friend of mine.  She very calmly told me that she was going to hang up and wait for the person who was her friend to call her back.  It shocked me back into reality!  And later when I called her back she could not recall making that statement!  

Sometimes it is a still, small voice reassuring me.  Last fall, after I'd gotten done with an hour in the prayer tent we had set up outside our church, I left feeling a bit skeptical that God would actually do what I was asking Him to do - bring revival.  I continued to struggle with Him as I drove down the hill from the church.  As I turned onto the highway I happened to look and saw a woman I had been praying for walking up the highway.  I turned around to pick her up.  As it turns out, she was heading to the prayer tent!  As we drove back up the hill she told me about how excited she was to spend an hour in prayer with other believers.  I'd been praying for her salvation.  And as I drove away after dropping her at the tent I heard God's sweet reassurance in my spirit, "Ruth, she is my deposit on your request."  That firmed my faith in a real hurry!

There are other ways God speaks as well, if we're willing to listen.  Sometimes he speaks through our surroundings.  I am reminded of another story I told in an earlier post.  In the section where I talk about prayer I tell the story of taking a walk, when in fact, God had been calling me to just be quiet with Him in my garden.  Recall that when the Pharisees try to rebuke Jesus for not correcting His disciples who were openly worshiping Him, He tells them, "I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out."  (Luke 19:40)  

God is able to speak through anything He wants.  We just need to be able to listen.  And that takes practice.  Don't be discouraged if you feel you're not hearing anything at first.  Recognizing God's voice is crucial to our relationship with Him, and He's very patient with us.  Ask Him to speak to you.  Keep on practicing.  Keep on going to Him.  Keep on enjoying the relationship.  The hearing will come.