Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate
hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one
another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each
other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above
all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were
called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-14
I grew up in a home marked by grudges. My father was notorious for holding grudges. He refused to release those who offended him (and he seemed to be offended often). Even as a young child without much training in the wisdom and discernment that God teaches in His Word this didn’t seem to line up well with what I knew about God. But in the minds of my parents it was acceptable to hold grudges, perhaps because they wanted everyone to consider them perfect. I don’t know exactly where this line of thinking materialized or why people who held so stiffly to God’s Word would ignore command after command to forgive. And forgive. And forgive again and again and again. (see Matthew 18:21-35) Perhaps they thought that “perfection” excused them? But that doesn’t make sense given that Jesus regularly forgave people and commanded it as well. (Matthew 6:12-15, Matthew 9:1-13, Mark 2:1-12, Mark 11:25, Luke 5:17-26, Luke 7:41-50, Luke 17:3-4, Luke 23:34, Luke 24:44-48, John 8:3-11) And He was certainly perfect!
I was not free from this scorn. Blame was frequently laid upon me even when I was not the offending party, along with any commensurate punishment that was deemed appropriate - usually a spanking with a three-inch, doubled-over, heavy leather strap used to hold milking machines. I don’t remember too many days I wasn’t the recipient of the strap! How does one respond to that, especially given that my emotional wound resurfaces over and over again? The answer in the Bible is clear. Forgive. I preach this to myself even as I write it and and do so after a particularly difficult emotional weekend with so much heartache resurfacing.
Forgiveness is not an easy mandate. I know this all too well. But it is life-giving. And here’s why.
Forgiveness acknowledges the sin. I’ve heard people say that if they forgive then it’s like saying they weren’t sinned against. Contrary to that line of thinking, if forgiveness is needed it is because a wrong has been done. Forgiveness is the act of relinquishing claim for an offense committed. You let go. Letting go is life-giving; holding a grudge lends to making you bitter, mean and cantankerous.
Forgiveness is based neither on the sin nor the sinner. It would take super-human effort to do so. Rather forgiveness is based on the One who forgave us. That is why Paul can so confidently exclaim, “if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13) Forgive as Jesus forgave. This leads to the next point.
Forgiveness is sacrificial. It costs us something. It cost Jesus His life to forgive us. It may cost us the right to revenge but it gives us the ability to enjoy peace and restoration, both in happiness and relationships . But not forgiving costs more! Holding grudges causes bitterness to be a constant companion and bitterness acts like poison to your soul. My father is a veritable Eeyore after so many years of holding onto unforgiveness, suffering losses in both happiness and relationships.
Forgiveness reflects God’s character of love. It is the loving thing to do. It is what God accomplished through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. It is what God does for us every day of our lives as the imperfections of our heart, sometimes visible only to Him, offend Him again and again.
And finally, forgiveness leads to thankfulness. When we forgive, we are reminded that we have been forgiven! We are made aware that we can now live in freedom!!!! And doesn’t that just make you smile?!?!
Perhaps the offense against you is particularly egregious...forgive. Perhaps you just feel animosity toward someone and you don’t even know why...forgive, both yourself and the thing that stands between you. Perhaps...fill in the blank...forgive. Forgiveness isn’t a suggestion. It is an expected way of life for a believer of Jesus. If I want more God, I need to forgive more! And that’s all the reason we need to do it!
Today I leave you with the words from a Matthew West song called “Forgiveness.”
It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those who don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When they pain they caused is just too real
Takes everything you have to say the word
Forgiveness, forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you’ve got a right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying set it free
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, forgiveness
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness
