The Worship of Grief

The thought of my suffering and homelessness
    is bitter beyond words.
 I will never forget this awful time,
    as I grieve over my loss.  Lamentations 3:19-20

Within the past two months three mothers whom are either directly or indirectly known to me have lost a twenty-something child.  I cannot imagine the depths of grief that accompanies such a profound loss.  Additionally, my husband's aunt is readying herself to send another husband to eternity and a good friend just bid a final farewell to a difficult marriage.  Incredible loss. 

Ten years ago this month Grammy award winning singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman lost his five-year-old adopted daughter, Maria, in a tragic car accident.  I mourned the Chapman's loss.  We were in the process of adopting from China (where Maria was from) and had already gone through three long years of waiting.  I knew the blood, sweat and tears poured into such an adoption.  I did not yet understand the incredible bond of love an adoptive parent is given for such a child, though I had some idea.  Multiple layers of emotions roiled within me.  "I can't even imagine," was all I could verbalize.  My mother-in-law, Joan, gave me some of the wisest words I think I'd ever heard to that point.  "It's because God has not yet given you that grace," was her response to me.  She knew that grace.  Eight years earlier she had laid to rest the body of her youngest son Neal, my brother-in-law, who had died from injuries sustained in a car accident.  

I've learned through my own experiences over time and the testimony of others I know that while loss isn't really quantifiable, it is common to us all.  We find a clue in the Genesis narrative as to how all this loss, pain and misery started: 

...in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
    and you shall eat the plants of the field.

By the sweat of your face
    you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
    for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
    and to dust you shall return.  Genesis 3:17b-19

You've heard it before.  It's old news right?  The bad news.  It started there in the garden when the curse upon creation was pronounced.  No longer would life be full, but rather, it would be filled with striving for what was unattainable.  The author of Ecclesiastes, most likely the venerable King Solomon, wrote:

 “Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”  What do people get for all their hard work under the sun?  Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes.  Ecclesiastes 1:2-4  

A few verses later Solomon quite accurately sums up the human condition:

Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.  Ecclesiastes 1:8

The curse initiated not only death but frustration, heartache and loss as well...to each and every inhabitant of planet Earth.  It has the potential to perch us on the precipice of depression.  This is the stuff of grief.  So how do we deal with that?  

But what if grief were a platform for worship?  What if our anger and sadness over the losses of life agreed with God that all is not as it should be?  What if we offered our sadness and grief to Him, acknowledging that the world is broken, that we are broken and in need of His intervention because we can't change those losses no matter how hard we try?  And isn't that worship?  

Jeremiah has often been called "the weeping prophet."  He is author of two books in the Old Testament, one of them the book of Lamentations.  In that book he shows us what lamenting worship looks like:

The thought of my suffering and homelessness

    is bitter beyond words.

 

I will never forget this awful time,

    as I grieve over my loss.  Lamentations 3:19-20

He is honest about his circumstances.  True worship must be rooted in truth or it cannot be the real deal.  He agrees with God that life in a world dominated with sin stinks sometimes.  We can be honest and truthful about the pain of death and loss; that's part of the worship experience.  We agree that the world as it currently exists doesn't line up with the original plan of creation.  This honors God.

But Jeremiah doesn't stop there.  If we stop at the grief and anger in our journey of suffering we wind up wallowing in bitterness and miss out on the best God has for us.  Fortunately for us death is not the end.  Though Jeremiah doesn't know the work of the cross as we do, he still relates:

Yet I still dare to hope
    when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease. 

Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning.
 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
    therefore, I will hope in him!  Lamentations 3:21-24

Jeremiah recognizes that whatever he has lost in this life, he has still not lost what is most important  -  God is his inheritance and therefore he has hope.  Grief hasn't necessarily gone away, but it has made room for grace and hope. 

Don't ignore the pain in your life when you come to worship.  Bring it.  Let your worship be true.  Today I leave you with a link to the song Beauty from Pain released in 2005 from a band called Superchick.  I lived through some dark days listening to this song, worshiping with its raw, truthful emotion.  Worship the One who has overcome death and the grave; worship that He is still working through the pain. 

Beauty from Pain (Bridge and Chorus)

Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)

Trying to hold to what I can't see

I forgot how to hope

This night's been so long

I cling to your promise there will be a dawn

After all this has passed

I still will remain

After I've cried my last

There'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today

Someday I'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain 

Mary and Martha: Letting Go of Distractions; Embracing More Jesus

This post will be best understood if you read through the passages I reference in this blog: Luke 10:38-42, John 11:1-44, John 12:1-8. This is a long post. It was written as a teaching companion for a Bible study on Mary and Martha that I wrote. If you'd care for the study leave me a note on how to get you the materials and I'll do my best to connect.

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I have heard a fair number of people teach on the two sister, friends of Jesus.  The story of Mary and Martha, however, came alive in me for the first time in a rather unexpected way.  A number of years ago the church I attended for a time went through Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby together.  It was only the third week and day three of that week’s study.  I had settled onto my covered back porch on a delightfully beautiful spring day to enjoy the warmth and the beauty of my daily changing spring garden, something I thoroughly enjoyed.  It felt like the perfect place to meet a friend, spend time together and get to know each other better. As I worked through Day 3, a section called “Walking with God,” I came to an instruction to “set aside at least 30 minutes for a time to ‘walk with God.”  I read it literally; I HAD to take a walk. In those days I frequently took power walks - the purpose of a walk was for exercise, not enjoyment. I grudgingly gave up the oasis of my backyard retreat for my sneakers and the sidewalks of my neighborhood. The idea was to spend quality time with God, get out of a routine.  I had unwittingly put myself right back into my regular routine

in order to “obey” the suggestion.

I started down the sidewalk at breakneck speed, all the while talking to God (or perhaps more appropriately, AT God).  I went on like this for quite awhile, chattering away as sweat formed on my brow and underarms. I had walked at least a half mile when I came to a corner.  One direction would take me toward home; the other direction would add nearly a half mile to my walk. I decided to ask God to speak to me in that moment rather than spewing my theology back at Him.  “Which way would you like me to go?” I inquired earnestly. God’s response was almost immediate and audible to my mind, “Why don’t you just slow down?” And immediately following that question, as I slowed my pace in obedience to the One who always knows what’s best for our hearts and minds, I received a picture in my mind of the story of Jesus at the home of Martha found in Luke 10:38-42.  The image started with a hurried Martha trying to get everything done as efficiently as possible and flowed quickly to an image of Mary, on the floor at Jesus feet, leaning in on Him, her arm draped over his leg, her face turned to His, waiting on every word that He spoke. That was the extent of the image I saw, but it nearly stopped me in my tracks. And what followed immediately on the heels of that image was the verse from John (John 15:5) “apart from Me you can do nothing.”

Since that time I have been drawn back to the story of Mary and Martha time and time again, each time gaining new nuggets of life changing understanding about my own life and relationship with Jesus.  Today we come to the stories of Mary and Martha in the Bible from the perspective of ridding our lives of false gods and bringing a richness to our relationship with Jesus.

We first encounter Mary and Martha in Luke’s gospel (Luke 10:38-42).   The story encompasses only a few verses of Scripture but there is much to be gleaned from them.

We first meet Martha as she welcomes Jesus and his disciples into her home.  By every appearance she is a gracious host. She seems very responsible and hospitable.  By every appearance she seems to set aside her own desires in order to meet the needs of her guests.

Hospitality was an indispensible characteristic for households in the culture of Jesus’ day.  Travelers often relied on the generosity of complete strangers to house them as they traveled or else they would have to find a rock for a pillow and rest their weary bodies literally under the stars.  It would seem that Martha prided herself in her hospitality, perhaps to a fault. You see, the word hypodechomai, translated “welcome” in our text, means to receive as a guest.  In our story of the two sisters it would seem that Martha was merely entertaining a guest; nothing more is indicated by hypodechomai.  The word appears in the New Testament only a few times and each time it indicates a surface relationship, not a deep-seated affiliation.  Martha’s desire was to entertain her guests, and I would argue that at this point they were nothing more. Martha had heard of Jesus, I’m sure; perhaps she’d even heard Him speak.  She is, most likely, entertaining Jesus as a means to build her reputation further.

In fact Martha is so confident in her role as a host that she comes to Jesus, both accusing and demanding.  Have you ever been so convinced of something in your heart and mind that you come to Jesus accusing and demanding?  I know I have. Unfortunately I suspect it’s an ugly reality in most everyone’s life. Martha asks Jesus “Don’t you care?”  Now that’s a woman with chutzpah! She accuses the One who’s about to lay down His life for her brokenness and need, to cover the sin she even now engages in.  But she doesn’t stop with that accusation. She goes on to demand that Jesus tell Mary to help her.

Next we meet Mary.  She seems either ignorant or indifferent to the household needs brought about by the presence of guests.  And she only had eyes for one guest: Jesus. She found a place near his feet where she could lean in and be close to Jesus.  She is hanging on His every word. Like Martha, it would seem logical that she had at the very least heard the stories of Jesus that were spread by those who had engaged his miracles or teaching at some point.  Perhaps she, too, had observed him face to face. And she wanted to know Him more! She is unashamed as she leans against him, her ears attentive to what He is saying.

Notice Jesus’ reaction to Martha.  He reacts much more gently than I have in my own experience.  Do you hear the gentleness in the repetition of her name, “Martha, Martha”?

Observe (verse 41) how gently Jesus moves her from sulking in her anger and hurt pride to a true picture of herself.  He uses two words to draw her attention to her own insufficiency and pride. The first is merimnaō.  It means to be anxious and troubled with cares.  But it also means to look out for one’s personal interests.  The second is thorybazō and merely means troubled or upset.  I suspect Jesus wanted to gently show Martha that all she was doing in her accusing and demanding was to merely look out for herself.  She cared more about her own reputation than she did the comforts of her guests or the well-being of their souls. I think He also wanted her to know that He did care by properly identifying exactly what her inner turmoil was.

Jesus then turns to some instruction for Martha.  “One thing is necessary.” (Luke 10:42). This reminds me of the 1991 movie City Slickers where Mitch (Billy Crystal) along with his friends Phil (Daniel Stern) and Ed (Bruno Kirby), each enduring their own mid-life crisis, sign up to go on an old fashioned cattle run.  After a bunch of mishaps the three are left to finish the run with the wizened old cowboy, Curly (Jack Palance) who tells them they need only one thing… Only Curly never tells them what that one thing is; they have to discover what it is for themselves.

Jesus doesn’t leave Martha to her own devices, however.  He tells her, “Mary has chosen the good portion.” I don’t believe Jesus is trying to shame Martha here, as I had at one time supposed, a sad commentary on the environment in which I grew up, but an experience I’m sure many can relate to.  The word for good, agathos, is multidimensional, as are many Greek words.  It refers to that which is morally honorable, pleasing to God and therefore beneficial.  He goes on to tell her that this agathos choice will not be taken from Mary.  In this statement is an invitation for Martha to enter in as well.  There are things more important than a reputation of hospitable excellence (though this would have been important in the culture of the time).  Jesus wants her to see His importance as higher than anything else, which IS morally honorable and pleasing to God! He is inviting her to believe. The invitation that Jesus extends to Martha is an invitation to a life-changing reality.  It’s no different than the opportunity He’s given Mary or the opportunity He is extending to you right now.

As it stands after these few short verses in Luke it would appear that Mary is the one who, spiritually speaking, “gets it.”  She’s the one who has chosen the “good portion,” according to Jesus. But what is this good portion?  Verse 39 gives us the answer to that.  Mary had chosen to ignore all else and sit at Jesus’ feet (I imagine her leaning into Jesus) and listening to His every word.  He was more important than her sister or brother or work or reputation. She just wanted Him. But as we see in our next passage,  Mary isn’t some spiritual giant necessarily. She breaks right along with her sister at the death of her brother Lazarus. She is only human.

When we next encounter the sisters in John 11 they obviously know Jesus quite well.  They entreat Him, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” (John 11:3) John, in his gospel, uses the phrase “one whom you (Jesus) love” on numerous occasions, mostly in describing his relationship to Jesus, that of a very dear friend.  It seems apparent that John describes Jesus’ relationship with these siblings as significant and dear. If that weren’t obvious enough, though, John adds a couple verses later, “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus” (John 11:5) just in case you missed it the first time.

Let’s take a look at the entreaty a minute.  It’s obvious the sisters have come to believe that Jesus is fully capable of healing their dying brother.  They have begged him to come, expecting certainly that Jesus would do just that, snatching Lazarus from the clutches of death.  Imagine their shock and grief, then, when Jesus doesn’t come immediately. As of yet they don’t understand precisely who Jesus is, just as the disciples in this passage are having a hard time comprehending exactly the same thing.

So when Jesus finally shows up near Bethany it is Martha who storms out to meet Him.  While most translations don’t lend us this fiery picture, the Greek is pretty clear. The word John uses to describe the way that Martha came to meet Jesus is hypantaō, which indicates a hostile meeting.  She is angry that Lazarus has died and comes charging “on the warpath” with hostility in her heart.  She must have rehearsed her words, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”  (John 11:21)  But when she comes into the presence of Jesus something changes and she adds “But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”  (vs.22)  She comes to Jesus broken and angry, but she also comes wanting to continue believing.

And because Martha has come she will be the one who receives the teaching that Jesus is about to impart.  He says to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.” (vs 25)  The Greek might actually be better translated I am the One who raises up (anastasis) and is absolute life (i.e. zōē as opposed to bios which is gift of life in general).  He is reminding Martha that He is the most real life she will ever encounter and it is impossible to keep Him down.  It will become a precious and timely truth when He Himself is laid in the grave in a short time. And she has become privy to that truth.

Jesus then asks her, “Do you believe this?”  It’s a crucial question at this juncture.  It’s the question John is seeking to answer in his gospel.  Belief is a central understanding in the book of John. The word believe, pisteuō in the Greek, means "to be persuaded of," and hence, "to place confidence in, to trust."   I have developed a working definition of the Greek word pisteuō:  to be wholeheartedly persuaded leading to a full confidence that brings about a complete transformation of thinking, character and action.  And Martha does believe. “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” (vs 27)  Can’t you just hear her heart soften in her response?

Jesus knows Martha’s wounding.  He understands the anger in her grief.  He kindly reminds her of who He is. And her faith is affirmed.  She can respond to Jesus as both Friend and King. As the anger ebbs from her she seems to remember that she has left Mary grieving in the house.  With her response to Jesus she turns to get her sister.

When Mary comes to meet Jesus there is nothing in the original Greek that indicates the type of emotional response that Martha had.  She comes to Jesus and falls at His feet placing herself in a position of submission. However, when she states “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” she does not express the same words of faith that Martha had.  It may not be instructive to read anything into that omission, yet when she comes with the same presumably rehearsed statement Jesus’ reaction is quite surprising.

The ESV translates Jesus’ response as “he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.” (John 11:33)  The Greek word for “deeply” moved is embrimaomai; it means to snort with anger and be indignant.  Tarassō, translated “greatly troubled,” means to be agitated and experience inward commotion.  These are deep expressions of emotion. Indeed Jesus sheds tears as well. Much debate has occured over why Jesus weeps and responds the way He does.  Given the fact that Mary, who chose the “good portion” listening at Jesus’ feet, now grieves without seeming to entertain the faith she had demonstrated in her plea to Jesus several days before, I might suggest that what agitates and angers Jesus most is not simply that death has taken another captive but that it has worked to derail the faith of Mary as well.  He weeps, not in defeat but in solidarity with these friends who have been so grievously wounded. Then He turns, still snorting in anger and asks that the stone to the tomb be removed. When the stone is rolled away and the now living Lazarus makes an appearance tears of loss are turned into tears of joy. And both sisters experience a renewal of their faith. How can we know this?

In the very next chapter of John’s gospel we see Jesus again in Bethany with the three siblings.  We have no idea just how much time has passed but it can be reliably assumed that it was not a great deal of time.  Here again we see the sisters interacting with Jesus. While not much verbiage is devoted to Martha, what is there is significant.  The text tells us that “Martha served.” (John 12:2) In the English translation it doesn’t seem much to go on, but the Greek tells a different story! The Greek word for serve that John uses is diakoneō.  The most simple way to translate the word is simply to say “serve,” however, diakoneō is most aptly translated “to minister,” especially in ways that supply the necessities of life.  The simple English translation may say “Martha served,” but the reality is that she was not merely serving; she was giving life.  Let’s not forget that Jesus called Himself “Life.” Martha has become a worshipper and she is worshipping in the way she has been wired to worship best.  Her sister Mary has still not joined her in her serving, but Martha isn’t bothered by that. She has laid aside a desire to be noticed in her service and instead is genuinely desiring to meet the needs of others.

When Mary enters this scene of untethered worship, we find her again at Jesus’ feet, ever outwardly  demonstrating her submission to Jesus. Only this time she has brought more than her heart and her ears.  This time she has broken the bank and pours out her worship lavishly in the form of pure nard.

Nard was (and still is!) a rare and costly commodity.  It was sometimes used in temple worship for anointing but was always diluted with olive oil.  Pure nard was reserved for the most prestigious practices, the most highly decorated religious leaders, and then only a small drop.  Mary takes a Roman pound (or twelve ounces) of pure nard, not diluted, and pours it out all over Jesus’ feet, wiping them with her hair.  I would say her belief has become quite real!!! Her worship tells us some things about how her relationship with Jesus has fundamentally changed who she is.

First, Mary’s act of worship tells me that she cares more about Jesus than she does her future comfort.  The quantity of nard that Mary uses in her worship could well have been her dowry, the insurance for a life of respectability and honor with a man who easily had the means to support her.  It would not have been uncommon for her future in-laws to demand a “dowry,” a sort of down payment on what she would be able to bring to the marriage - the higher the dowry, the better the suitor.  Or it could have been an inheritance that was meant to be kept as a form of hazard insurance should hard times come upon her and her family. She demonstrates the significance of her relationship to Jesus by laying all of that future stability aside.  The nard, I believe, is symbolic of all of her hopes and dreams. She declares, in effect, “Jesus is my all!”

The other observation that is present, I believe, is that this worship is personal for Mary.  If she came prepared to worship Jesus with her nard, she certainly could have brought a towel, but instead, she uses her hair to wipe Jesus’ feet.  She shamelessly put her whole self into worship; she holds nothing back!

And the kicker to all of this is that each woman’s worship affects those around her!  Martha’s worship brought life to the people she touched. And Mary’s worship caused the exotic aroma of life to be extravagantly poured out, reaching every corner of the house.  (John 12:3) There was no single person excluded from the beauty of worship in this setting. That is how true worship functions. It brings glory to God and it brings health and healing to the church.

Jesus called both Mary and Martha to lay aside certain things (pride, reputation, doubt and fear), but He gave them so much more.  And the More He gave them filled their senses with worship of Him, which in turn touched people who needed to experience Jesus. Less distraction.  More Jesus. And that’s exactly how it should be!!!!!

Soul Warnings - Words

 And so the tongue is a small part of the body yet it carries 

great power! Just think of how a small flame can set a huge 

forest ablaze.  And the tongue is a fire!  James 3:5-6a TPT

Yesterday I woke to a red flag warning.  I haven't been under a red flag warning in a long time, ever since I moved from Northern Arizona 17 years ago.  In the Southwest one pays close attention to such warnings.  The warning is predictive for the most part, though it surely causes hearts to tremble when you or people you care about live near an active wildfire in a red flag warning zone.  

A red flag warning, for those unfamiliar with the term, indicates conditions where low humidity and high winds combine to make conditions favorable for fire to spread like crazy.  It's a heart-stopping diagnostic for hot shot teams on assignment at an active fire.  It says, "Be careful.  This is dangerous."

James gives a number of "red flag warnings" to his Jewish followers in the letter that bears his name.  It is his warning regarding the tongue that caught my attention today.  James compares the tongue to fire.  Fire burns.  It destroys.  "Just think of how a small flame can set a huge forest ablaze."  (James 3:5b TPT) Perhaps James had a picture of fire behavior on a dry, windy day in mind when he penned these words.  I like how The Voice translation turns the phrase.  "And do you know how many forest fires begin with a single ember from a small campfire?"  (James 3:5b VOICE)  A careless word spoken without thought or hurled in a moment of anger has the potential to tear down what may have taken years to build.  Just. Like. That.  I know I am guilty.  I have not always represented the gospel well with my words.  

So what is the prescription for such an unwieldy component?  James goes on to speak of wisdom.  He says, "Who in your community is understanding and wise? Let his example, which is marked by wisdom and gentleness, blaze a trail for others."  (James 3:13)  You see, while fire can be destructive, it can also be purifying.  Our words are no different.  When we choose to use words laced with wisdom, gentleness and love, the results are peace-inducing and  life-giving.  James has a word for this as well.

Heavenly wisdom centers on purity, peace, gentleness, 

deference, mercy, and other good fruits untainted 

by hypocrisy.  The seed that flowers into 

righteousness will always be planted in peace 

by those who embrace peace.  James 3:17-18

The year I spent time focusing on the word "relate," I found it helpful to ask myself the question "Will these words be life-giving?"  If I couldn't honestly answer "Yes" then I would leave those words unspoken.  That year I was able to repair many relationships that had soured due to misplaced words on my part.  The new life that sprung up from well-placed, life-giving words of affirmation and reconciliation was stunning.  While I have not slipped entirely back into my careless way of communicating, I recently became aware that I'm also not as careful as I used to be.  So today I challenge you, I challenge me, to ask "Will this give life?" before you speak.  

Then wait and see what happens.  It's going to be a great day!