True spirituality that is pure in the eyes of our Father
God is to make a difference in the lives of the orphans,
and widows in their troubles, and to refuse to be
corrupted by the world’s values. James 1:27 TPT
Three days ago I had the privilege of attending the Centre County Orphan Care Alliance (CCOCA) fundraising dinner. I heard story after story; lives changed through adoption and foster care. Then two days ago I had lunch with an adoptive mom. In sharing our stories I was reminded of my own adoption journey and I knew it was time to share that story.
My husband Alan would tell you that the start of our adoption journey actually came before we were married. I had been told, as a juvenile onset diabetic that it could be very difficult to become pregnant. When I shared that news with Alan he told me not to worry we could explore adoption if it came to that. I agreed, relieved that my inability to conceive wouldn't break the relationship. And so, adoption became Plan B. As it turns out, I had no troubles conceiving at all. Our daughter, Kirsten, was born ten months after our wedding. In my mind Plan B was out the window, no need to even consider it anymore. Several years later we tried to conceive and had no trouble at all doing so. Nine months later, after a harrowing delivery, we welcomed our son Andrew into the world.
We eventually settled into a rhythm, a contented, happy family for the most part. Adoption was the furthest thing from our mind. It was a great option for other folks. We had our perfect little family, or so I thought.
Here's the thing, what I consider perfect, God often considers lacking. So often we are content to go about life with an illusion of "the good life" without even considering that God might have more for us. That was a pretty accurate description of me in those days. My family was my life. I loved my husband and both of my children. I'd pursued a discovery process that gave me an understanding of what a godly woman should be and I'd put that into practice. Our home had become a haven. We were content.
God shook our simple, little life when He arranged for Alan's choir to take an international trip to China. I say that He arranged it because even though the women in Alan's women's chorale had voted to go to China, I know in looking back that it was all coordinated by God's hand. While in China we had occasion to visit a number of venues that are fairly well known the world over. We attended a performance by some Chines acrobats in Beijing; then we visited a martial arts school in Xian. After each of these experiences the man who had made arrangements for our trip in China would lean in to us and explain that many of the children we had observed and interacted with were orphans. "In China," he had said, "everyone is expected to contribute. This is how these children are contributing." It was a sobering reality; children without a family, children abandoned by a family now living by bringing enjoyment to the lives of others while their eyes told a different story...that of extreme loneliness.
Perhaps it was their haunting eyes or more likely it was God's use of those eyes to move my heart, but as we boarded our jet to return home I couldn't shake the feeling that we were leaving someone behind. I told Alan. He told me he knew that everyone had boarded the plane; I should stop worrying. And yet that feeling would not dissipate. It followed me home and into the coming weeks. I shared this with a friend. She looked at me and offered these words, "My husband and I have been praying that someone in our church would be moved to adopt internationally, but I never expected it to be you!" Adoption!!! It hadn't even occurred to me! That tells you a lot about where my heart had been back in those days! But God is able to melt even the iciest of hearts. I asked my friend to pray with me that God would bring Alan to the same conclusion. It didn't take long. He came home for lunch one day and told me he thought God was asking us to pray about something. When he told me he thought that perhaps God was asking us to adopt I started laughing, which surprised him. "Why are you laughing?" It was a valid question. "Because," I chortled, "your asking this is the answer to that very prayer!" We sought agreement from Kirsten and Andrew and were met with a resounding "Yes." As it turns out God had already prepared their soft hearts for His purposes. And suddenly the discarded Plan B became Plan A.
Adopting from China at that time usually meant a wait of around six months once your paperwork had been completed and logged into China's system. And it usually meant that if you waited for a healthy child you would receive a girl. So we entered the process with the expectation that within about a year we would bring home a healthy infant girl. Once again, God had a different outcome in mind. The process of adopting from China all of a sudden clogged to a trickle. No one knew why, but the six month wait extended months and months and months. After nearly 3 1/2 years of waiting, Alan approached me. "I think we may be disobedient in waiting for a healthy baby girl," he said, "Any child alive when you felt we were leaving someone behind would now be considered a waiting child." "You're right," I agreed. And so we went to our adoption agency and entered their waiting child program. One week later we had a referral! One week! God's timing amazes me!! We were stunned to discover that the referral was for a boy. Normally a prospective adoptive parent has little more than 24 hours to agree to commit to a child in a referral. Because it was right before a holiday we wound up with four days. Another God thing!! Alan and Andrew were quick to accept this little boy. Kirsten and I were more reticent. Kirsten had spent two years journaling to a sister. I was in shock! But eventually God's gentle caressing of our hearts brought us in line with His good plan.
Within five months we were in China again. And when we returned, we brought home a new son. Jadon was eight, having been assigned a birthday based upon his entry into the orphanage in China. The Chinese don't put a lot of weight on birthdays. The assignment of a birthday was more for the Westerners who tend to adopt these "throw away" kids.
We were ill-prepared for the issues that often come with the adoption of older children. This may have been because we entered the process with the expectation of bringing home a baby. Whatever the reason the parenting skills that had applied to our birth children did not seem to apply to our Jadon. He was sneaky and deceptive and we had no idea how to manage such behaviors in a child that we could barely communicate with. That first year home with him was the hardest year of our lives.
Jadon has been with us almost nine years now. My heart has become completely transformed. I now look at James' admonition "true spirituality that is pure in the eyes of our Father God is to make a difference in the lives of the orphans, and widows in their troubles" (James 1:27a) with a renewed heart. This is not an option. Every believer is called to this mandate. Not everyone is called to adopt. Not everyone is called to foster children. But every person who identifies with Christ as Savior has a responsibility to take care of the most vulnerable among us. In Jesus' day the orphan and widow (specifically a woman who had lost her husband and had very few rights without him) represented the most vulnerable population at that time. Today those populations might also include human trafficking victims, the homeless and the mentally ill. When God places someone in this category on your path He expects you to respond with generosity and kindness.
At the CCOCA dinner I discovered that just for the fatherless population in our community here in Centre County, Pennsylvania there are a variety of ways you can be involved. Of course the obvious way would be to foster or adopt a child. But just because that's not your calling doesn't automatically exclude you from the process!! Children need mentors, fostering and adoptive families can always use an extra pair of hands to help out or a pair of ears to merely listen and encourage, along with a host of other supportive means.
Perhaps you don't feel you are called to help children. No problem. There are plenty of opportunities if you just look. That grouchy, older neighbor maybe just needs a friendly "hello" and a few minutes to chat. The homeless pervade nearly every urban community across the United States. Centre County Pennsylvania is no exception. Out of the Cold is an association of churches working together to provide a hot meal and a warm place to sleep during the six coldest months of the year - no strings attached. Dozens of volunteers are needed as well as basic necessities that can help ease some common hardships the homeless face. My daughter used to drive around Chicago with boxes of granola bars to hand out to the homeless, a reason for life-giving interactions that gave them some dignity. Bus tokens are also helpful when you run into someone who is homeless. Organizations like the International Justice Mission serve to help free thousands of the millions held in bondage today all over the world.
There are more places to become involved but you often must intentionally look. If you profess faith in Jesus Christ then the mission of these organizations must necessarily become your mission too. At the very least you can pray. I've provided you the links so you visit some of these organizations. Get involved. The more I study Scripture the more I am convinced that standing on the sideline and watching as millions of disadvantaged and vulnerable suffer is the same as turning one's back on Jesus. Whereas reaching out with even simple kindnesses and love to those who have met unfortunate and formidable circumstances delivers love and kindness to Jesus. I leave you with Jesus' own words:
Then the King will turn to those on his right and
say, ‘You have a special place in my Father’s
heart. Come and experience the full inheritance
of the kingdom realm that has been destined for
you from before the foundation of the world! For
when you saw me hungry, you fed me. When you
found me thirsty, you gave me something to drink.
When I had no place to stay, you invited me in, and
when I was poorly clothed, you covered me. When
I was sick, you tenderly cared for me, and when
I was in prison you visited me.’ Matthew 25:34-36 TPT